Cain Explains

Former GOP presidential candidate Herman Cain tells the Conservative Political Action Conference that his 9-9-9 plan is explained in a five-minute video posted on the website CainConnections.com. The movie has cartoons and monsters.

Space Nazis vs Earth: What Would Gingrich Do?

In 1945 the Nazis weren’t defeated! They went to live on the dark side of the moon — or so imagines “Iron Sky,” a movie set in 2018 about Space Nazis who attack America.

Wait a second — 2018?! Wouldn’t that be halfway through President Newt Gingrich’s second term, when he said we’d have a moon colony ourselves? Well, we can’t be sure because simple math addles the brain, so let’s just say “yes.” Full story

Hoekstra’s Rush Hour to Judgment

Live Funny or Die is having its way with former-Representative-cum-Senate-hopeful Pete Hoekstra’s widely reviled Super Bowl spot:

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In California, a Woman Scorned

Consider this an HOH public service announcement. Political operatives, beware. When you bring folks’ spouses into the mix, things get unpredictable.
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In Capitol, Cupid Not Welcome

Lovebirds who toil within the Capitol campus should forget about expecting breathtaking trinkets or lavish bouquets to suddenly appear at their desks Tuesday.

As far as the Capitol Police are concerned, national security trumps affairs of the heart, including Valentine’s Day.

House Sergeant-at-Arms Paul Irving spells it out in his latest “special notice,” a downer memo chronicling the do’s and don’ts of gift delivery to Congressional staff.
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Dan Burton Goes Euro

(Scott J. Ferrell/CQ Roll Call File Photo)

Rep. Dan Burton might have announced his impending retirement, but the 15-term Republican is taking a victory lap around the European Union before hanging it up and heading back to sweet home Indiana.

Burton, who chairs the House Foreign Affairs Subcommittee on Europe and Eurasia, is leading a weeklong Congressional delegation to France, Slovakia, Belgium and Hungary that is scheduled to coincide with the February recess.
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Overheard on the Hill

(Tom Williams/CQ Roll Call File Photo)

“I have to explain to people because [my wife] met me and married [me] while I had hair. I couldn’t get someone cute, but back then I had hair, and I know it’s hard to believe, and I actually looked OK when I had hair.”

— Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Texas) explaining on the House floor how he was able to snag his wife.

Guerrilla Editing: Giants Sign Stands Corrected

Lautenberg's sign probably corrected by New Yorkers.

On Monday, HOH reported that the New Jersey delegation was being a bit salty to their New York brethren, and today, it appears, the cross-Hudson rivalry heated up.

After the New York Giants won the Super Bowl on Sunday, Members of Congress from New Jersey sent out press releases and even taped up signs claiming the Giants as their own. We’re looking at you, Sen. Frank Lautenberg’s (D) office. Full story

Good Stuff Goes All Willy Wonka

(Warren Rojas/CQ Roll Call)

Cheflebrity Spike Mendelsohn, one of the local burgermeisters actively sought out by certain residents of 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., is rolling out new gourmet chocolate bars modeled after the signature milkshakes mixed up at Good Stuff Eatery.

The oversized confections will sell for $5 apiece at the flagship Capitol Hill outpost — and the forthcoming Crystal City, Va., and Georgetown locations — beginning this Friday.

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Democrats Kickin’ It Old School

Jackson kickin it old school

Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr. was spotted this week gabbing away on his awesome retro handset. When we spoke to him about his cool new toy, which looks pretty much like grandma’s surviving landline, he walked us through how to find it on the Internet.

When we found one in pink, Jackson cheered us on: “They come in everything!”
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Italians to Assemble

(Bill Clark/CQ Roll Call File Photo)

Several Italianophiles will be protesting Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio) in front of the Capitol today and Thursday.

Italians, Italian-Americans and their sympathizers are asked to meet the Rhodes Tavern-DC Heritage Society at the “grassy area on House side of East Front of the Capitol” to protest what the group says is Boehner’s failure to recognize Italy’s anniversary.
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Farm Bill Gadfly Returns

Congressional watchdog Daniel Imhoff is so primed and ready to join this year’s farm bill fray that he’s firing the opening salvo, updating his exhaustive examination of the last agri-political showdown in anticipation of this year’s legislative retooling.
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Landry Says Silly Things, Wants Recognition

Louisiana Rep. Jeff Landry (R) is having a fun contest on his shiny Facebook page.

You see, he has made a YouTube video of some of the crazy things he’s said. The clip is called “Landry’s Line of the Day Contest!!!” And it is a contest!

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Doomsdayers See End Coming on GOP Watch

Whether the world blinks out this December (go Mayan calendar!) or further down the line, respondents to a new poll conducted on behalf of the National Geographic Channel suspect Republicans will be in charge when our fellow man decides to screw us over.

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Komen’s Prescient SOS

Amid its ill-fated attempt to cut off Planned Parenthood and the issuance of its somehow even more polarizing about-face, the brain trust at Susan G. Komen for the Cure solicited for someone — anyone — to help skipper it through stormy weather in the future.

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