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September 23, 2014

A Crash Course in Congressional Hanky-Panky

An offbeat observation by someone who sounded none-too-surprised to learn that Louisiana Republican Rep. Vance McAllister had been busted getting busy with a congressional aide got us thinking about whom, exactly, Capitol Hill playboys spend their time seducing.

“It’s always the schedulers,” an HOH reader opined online after perusing the tawdry tale of McAllister’s videotaped make-out session with district aide — and Facebook friend (social media has doomed us all) — Melissa Hixon Peacock.

A Crash Course in Congressional Hanky Panky

(Screenshot)

The Ouachita Citizen exposed the interoffice dalliance (both McAllister and Peacock are married to other people) with the help of a grainy surveillance video purportedly leaked to the local paper by another McAllister aide.

While Peacock clearly fit our conspiracy theorists’ bill in this particular case, HOH decided to examine the past 20 years of congressional sexcapades to discern whether libidinous lawmakers do, in fact, have a clear cut “type.”

Ex-Rep. Gary Condit, D-Calif.

A Crash Course in Congressional Hanky Panky

(CQ Roll Call File Photo)

Object of his affection: the late Chandra Levy, his intern.

 

Ex-Sen. Larry Craig, R-Idaho

A Crash Course in Congressional Hanky Panky

(CQ Roll Call File Photo)

Object of his affection: fellow occupants of the men’s room at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport.

 

Ex-Sen. John Edwards, D-N.C.

A Crash Course in Congressional Hanky Panky

(CQ Roll Call File Photo)

Object of his affection: campaign videographer Rielle Hunter.

 

Ex-Sen. John Ensign, R-Nev.

A Crash Course in Congressional Hanky Panky

(Scott J. Ferrell/CQ Roll Call File Photo)

Object of his affection: Cindy Hampton, the wife of his senior aide and close friend, Doug Hampton.

 

Ex-Rep. Vito Fossella, R-N.Y.

A Crash Course in Congressional Hanky Panky

(CQ Roll Call File Photo)

Object of his affection: Lt. Col. Laura Fay, congressional liaison for the Air Force.

 

Ex-Rep. Mark Foley, R-Fla.

A Crash Course in Congressional Hanky Panky

(CQ Roll Call File Photo)

Object of his affection: male House pages.

 

Ex-Speaker Newt Gingrich, R-Ga.

A Crash Course in Congressional Hanky Panky

(Douglas Graham/CQ Roll Call File Photo)

Object of his affection: then-congressional staffer Callista Bisek.

 

Ex-Rep. Chris Lee, R-N.Y.

A Crash Course in Congressional Hanky Panky

(CQ Roll Call File Photo)

Object of his affection: random Craigslist contact.

 

Ex-Speaker Bob Livingston, R-La.

A Crash Course in Congressional Hanky Panky

(Scott J. Ferrell/CQ Roll Call File Photo)

Object of his affection: women other than his wife (multiple affairs).

 

Ex-Rep. Tim Mahoney, D-Fla.

A Crash Course in Congressional Hanky Panky

(CQ Roll Call File Photo)

Object of his affection: district aide Patricia Allen.

 

Ex-Rep. Eric Massa, D-N.Y.

A Crash Course in Congressional Hanky Panky

(Ryan Kelly/CQ Roll Call File Photo)

Object of his affection: ticklish male staffers on Capitol Hill.

 

McAllister

A Crash Course in Congressional Hanky Panky

(CQ Roll Call File Photo)

Object of his affection: district scheduler Melissa Hixon Peacock.

 

Ex-Rep. Mel Reynolds, D-Ill.

Object of his affection: teenage campaign volunteer.

 

Rep. Mark Sanford, R-S.C.

A Crash Course in Congressional Hanky Panky

(Bill Clark/CQ Roll Call File Photo)

Object of his affection: trek-worthy Argentinean paramour Maria Belen Chapur.

 

Ex-Rep. Don Sherwood, R-Pa.

A Crash Course in Congressional Hanky Panky

(Scott J. Ferrell/CQ Roll Call File Photo)

Object of his affection: intern Cynthia Ore.

 

Ex-Rep. Mark Souder, R-Ind.

A Crash Course in Congressional Hanky Panky

(CQ Roll Call File Photo)

Object of his affection: district press aide Tracy Jackson.

 

Sen. David Vitter, R-La.

A Crash Course in Congressional Hanky Panky

(Douglas Graham/CQ Roll Call File Photo)

Object of his affection: associates of the late Deborah Jeane Palfrey, aka the “D.C. Madam.”

 

Ex-Rep. Anthony Weiner, D-N.Y.

A Crash Course in Congressional Hanky Panky

(Tom Williams/CQ Roll Call File Photo)

Object of his affection: aspiring porn star Sydney Leathers, various sexting contacts.

 

Ex-Rep. David Wu, D-Ore.

A Crash Course in Congressional Hanky Panky

(Tom Williams/CQ Roll Call File Photo)

Object of his affection: campaign donor’s teenage daughter.

Turns out, congressional horn dogs are partial to all kinds of partners. Some appear quite comfortable prowling office staff, while others prefer to seek their entertainment a bit further afield.

Perhaps the most surprising discovery is that the Pelican State does not have a monopoly on infidelity. The Empire State leads this particular pack with four sexed-up solons — a roster which includes members from both sides of the aisle — while Louisiana has a lock on politically aligned philanderers (three GOP members).

Meanwhile, it appears that lady lawmakers are either infinitely smarter than their gaffe-prone male counterparts or incredibly skilled at keeping extramarital entanglements on the down-low.

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