Roll Call: Latest News on Capitol Hill, Congress, Politics and Elections
November 29, 2014

Posts in "Foolishness"

November 26, 2014

Congressional Hits and Misses: 2014 Thanksgiving Edition (Video)

With Thanksgiving around the corner, Heard on the Hill takes a look at the times lawmakers simply could not get food off their minds.

 

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November 25, 2014

Capitol Hill Cop Spices Things Up as ‘Three Sheets Chef’

Capitol Police Officer Terry Heffernan told HOH he caught the acting bug while in college.

If only the theater crowd could see him now.

Capitol Hill Cop Spices Things Up as ‘Three Sheets Chef’

While he spends most of his time keeping the congressional campus safe, Heffernan has also been actively pursuing any and every opportunity to perform since the 1990s. “Being a police officer is my favorite way to support myself being an actor,” he quipped.

That lifelong dream has led him to blending in with the thousands of freezing cold extras seen huddled around the National Mall in that iconic scene from “Forrest Gump.” It compelled him to take a shot in an almost Doritos ad. And it inspired him to create the demented instructional series, “Three Sheets Chef.”

“It came to me while I was ruthlessly hung over, sitting on my couch watching the Food Channel,” Heffernan said of the “a-ha!” moment that led to his satirical side-gig.

The extremely low-tech series debuted in late 2011. Since then, Heffernan and a rag tag crew — including a fellow Capitol Hill cop who handles editing duties — have cobbled together just over a dozen installments of horribly misguided culinary instruction.

“We haven’t really figured out what the purpose of the show is yet, but I’ll tell you this, we’re really hoping to get on HBO.  And I have a feeling the best way to do that is for me to say ‘cocksucker’ about every three minutes,” Heffernan, channeling his perma-tipsy counterpart, explains in episode one.

Sure enough, the wheels come off each time. Full story

November 24, 2014

Congressional Hits and Misses: Week of Nov. 17 (Video)

With Thanksgiving right around the corner, members spent the week discussing dirty oil, political ads and “dumb-ass liberals.”

Roll Call Results Map: Results and District Profiles for Every Seat

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November 20, 2014

Members Rush to Recruit Freshmen to Softball Team

Members Rush to Recruit Freshmen to Softball Team

Love in her running gear in a campaign video.  (Courtesy YouTube)

Think it’s too early for softball? Think again.

Veteran members of the Congressional Women’s Softball Team fanned out across Washington last week to recruit members-elect to their softball team. They square off each summer against the Bad News Babes, a team of reporters, in a fundraiser for the Young Survival Coalition breast cancer charity.

“We are pumped to have one of the largest class of new recruits to the Congressional Women’s team since we started the game,” game founder/Democratic National Committee Chairwoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz, D-Fla., said in a statement.

“These women are ready to bond, ready to play, ready to win and most of all, fired up to beat cancer and beat the press — again!” Wasserman Schultz said, alluding to her team’s slight win over the Bad News Babes this summer. Full story

November 17, 2014

Congressional Ribbing Devolves Into Game of Moans

Mischief makers in the employ of Tennessee Republican Marsha Blackburn went medieval on one of their own in an ongoing prank war commemorating everyone’s unrelenting march toward grim death.

Deputy Chief of Staff Mike Reynard, who formally entered middle age (Happy 40th!) on Sunday, discovered a certain cherished memory plastered across the entryway to his workplace upon strolling into Cannon Monday.

Congressional Ribbing Devolves Into Game of Moans

(Courtesy HOH tipster)

“Given the history of good family fun in our office, it came as no surprise to me. I figured winter was coming,” Reynard said of the snapshot of him perched atop the ultimate seat of power from HBO’s bloody, incest-driven family drama, “Game of Thrones.” Full story

Capitol Hill Cops Ham It Up in Prospective Doritos Ad

Apart from walking the same beat, Capitol Police Officers Terry Heffernan and Brian Stevers also share a passion for acting — a creative outlet currently being fed by starring rolls in a would-be Doritos commercial.

The aspiring ad, originally conceived and shot by short film vet Antonio Souto, is just one of the current crop of fan-made entries in the chip maker’s annual “Crash the Super Bowl” contest.

Heffernan plays the smug, snack-hoarding mark terrorized by a creepy, tutu-clad Chihuahua for not sharing the famously cheesy grub with a nefarious little girl. By the end of the 30-second spot, the defeated schlub seeks to visit the same ruin on another unsuspecting stooge (Stevers) unwilling to part with a single, orange dust-covered morsel. Full story

November 14, 2014

Congressional Hits and Misses: Week of Nov. 10 (Video)

Despite the short work week, members still managed to discuss airbags, baseball and Mitch McConnell’s age while dressed in madras.

Roll Call Results Map: Results and District Profiles for Every Seat

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November 13, 2014

Hill Staffers Soldier Through Bison Day Reception

Congress had been gone for weeks before trickling back into town Wednesday for the latest lame-duck session. A few hundred congressional aides celebrated the triumphant return of the resurgent Republican Party by getting their fill (and then some) of food, drink and plush collectibles at the National Bison Day reception.

Hill Staffers Soldier Through Bison Day Reception

Attendees mingling in Dirksen during the National Bison Day reception. (Warren Rojas/CQ Roll Call)

The annual soiree, which took place in Dirksen, attracted scores of staffers and interns but few lawmakers. Projected guest speaker Sen. John Hoeven, R-N.D., turned out to be a no-show, but event organizers noted that Rep. José E. Serrano, D-N.Y., managed to swing by for a bit.

By the time this roving reporter penetrated the herd, the promised bison sliders and gourmet meatballs had been devoured. The food basically gone (save for a lone bowl of broken, pathetic-looking potato chips), partygoers turned their attention to sucking dry every last bottle of Budweiser and Bud Light bartenders could fish from icy bins.

Hill Staffers Soldier Through Bison Day Reception

(Warren Rojas/CQ Roll Call)

“It’s way too wobbly. It would probably only take one person to knock it over,” a visibly buzzed guest estimated while eyeballing the evening’s oversized star attraction. Full story

November 11, 2014

Congressional Hits and Misses: Best of the 2014 Campaign Season (Video)

As news outlets tracked the best campaign ads of the 2014 cycle over the past seven weeks, HOH kept tabs on the other activities which kept your elected officials busy, including arguing with constituents, reciting Greek history and reading mean tweets.

Roll Call Results Map: Results and District Profiles for Every Seat

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November 10, 2014

Diran Lyons Rings Obama’s Bell

Pop culture slicer-and-dicer Diran Lyons has pieced together a new video wherein President Barack Obama maintains a laser-like focus on just two things: razing hell and sinking putts.

Mad props to Fox News Channel personality Megyn Kelly for contributing that killer quivering lip.

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November 6, 2014

Barbara Lee Delivers Her Own Wave

Yes, yes, the Republicans have decisively taken over both chambers of Congress for the first time in nearly a decade.

But what’s that trivial feat got to do with the 40 seconds of awkward arm flapping California Democrat Barbara Lee endured on Wednesday’s episode of “The Colbert Report”?

The faux pundit, who is expected to bury his conservative-leaning cable news persona next month in preparation for assuming hosting duties of CBS’s “Late Show,” set up the face-to-face fanning duel (starts at the 3-minute mark) by noting during the latest installment of the pol-baiting “Better Know a District” segment that the signature sports move originated at the Oakland Coliseum.

According to ESPN, the first recorded version of the stadium-wide salute took place on Oct. 15, 1981, during a playoff game between the Oakland Athletics and New York Yankees.

So Lee’s district’s got that going for it. As well as a congresswoman who’s not afraid to rise and fall with the best of ’em.

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October 24, 2014

Congressional Hits and Misses: Best of Peter DeFazio (Video)

With less than two weeks until Election Day, HOH’s tribute to members continues this week with Rep. Peter A. DeFazio, who pays homage to the Cuyahoga River, analyzes sheep journals and shows off his favorite tie.

Roll Call Election Map: Race Ratings for Every Seat

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October 23, 2014

Boston Terrier Intent on Conquering D.C.

Rep. David B. McKinley ought to thank his lucky stars a certain someone wasn’t feeling that ambitious Wednesday when he sauntered into the West Virginia Republican’s congressional office.

Based on what we know now, that impromptu visit from a seemingly confused pup could just as easily have spiraled into a hostile takeover.

You see, HOH’s new friend, Clark, has big plans.

The civics-minded pooch tends to mug for the camera (a la his antihero idol, Frank Underwood).

And is not averse to bucking the system in order to resolve pressing personal priorities. Full story

October 17, 2014

Congressional Hits and Misses: Best of Don Young (Video)

As election season rolls on, Heard on the Hill pays tribute to Rep. Don Young, the self-described “alpha wolf” of Alaska politics who loves cranes, beanies and the Anchorage Daily News.

Related:

Don Young: the Kodiak Bear of Capitol Hill

The Softer Side of Don Young: A Counterpoint

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October 15, 2014

‘Dogs Impersonating Biden’ — It’s a Thing Now

In a world flush with insanely candid shots of Vice President Joseph R. Biden Jr. being, well, Bidenesque, there’s only one way to outdo the freewheeling almost-leader of the free world: pair him up with canine doppelgangers.

Dogs Impersonating Biden — Its a Thing Now

(Screenshot)

At least that’s what online photo hound “delrayser” has done with the nascent “Dogs Impersonating Biden” site.

“I think Joe Biden’s great, for a lot of the same goofy, lovable reasons that dogs are. I expect that’s why people find the Tumblr funny,” the visually motivated blogger said of this new pet project.

The surreal matchmaking service was launched late last week after delrayser stumbled upon a rib-tickling social media post.

“My original inspiration was the photo of Biden looking out a window … and it struck me as funny because of the sullen expression on his face. Sort of like a dog staring out the window after you when you leave the house,” DIB’s creator explained. “So I found a comparable photo and posted them both in a tweet.”

 

 

Biden kicked the door open even further by getting caught in the now iconic I-always-don-Aviators-before-devouring-ice-cream pose. Full story

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