Roll Call: Latest News on Capitol Hill, Congress, Politics and Elections
October 21, 2014

Posts in "Foolishness"

September 26, 2014

Congressional Hits and Misses: Best of Bill Nelson (Video)

With Congress out until after the midterms, Heard on the Hill kicks off election season by saluting the members who go the extra mile to make Capitol Hill such a unique place to work.

This week, Sen. Bill Nelson, D-Fla., teaches us about outer space, drywall and how to win a football game.

Related:

Congressional Hits and Misses: Best of John Boehner (Video)

Congressional Hits and Misses: Best of Harry Reid (Video)

Congressional Hits and Misses: Best of Nancy Pelosi (Video)

Congressional Hits and Misses: Best of Mitch McConnell (Video)

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September 25, 2014

Eric Holder Resigns With a Wink and a Nod (Video)

Attorney General Eric H. Holder Jr. likes to wink, apparently.

Roll Call Election Map: Race Ratings for Every Seat

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September 19, 2014

Congressional Hits and Misses: Week of September 15 (Video)

With Congress set to leave for seven weeks, members spent their final work week forgetting names, talking baseball and discussing the bad food at their uncle’s house.

Roll Call Election Map: Race Ratings for Every Seat

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September 18, 2014

Rank and File Blast Opposing Leaders for Dropping the Legislative Ball

Having effectively set the country on cruise control until just beyond Election Day, House and Senate leaders did their damnedest Thursday to look really, really busy without actually doing anything that could get them into political trouble.

Foot soldiers from both sides of the aisle, undoubtedly tired of the inactivity that’s plagued Congress in recent years, used social media to fire back at partisan big-wigs for making the whole legislative body look bad.

 

 

 

Full story

September 15, 2014

Montana State Society to Spike Mendelsohn: Que Cojones

Montana State Society President Jayne Leffingwell wants hospitality heavy Spike Mendelsohn to man up and get his own thing going.

Montana State Society to Spike Mendelsohn: Que Cojones

(Screenshot)

“Mendelsohn aka the Ballburglar, is attempting to hijack The Montana State Society’s signature event ‘The DC Testy Fest’ by hosting his own DC Festicle. While a testivus for the rest of us sounds fun, stealing our original sack lunch is not ‘Good Stuff,’” Leffingwell said in a tongue-in-cheek statement.

The Montana State Society has done its part to exalt the nether regions-related nosh for more than  a decade now. Mendelsohn is jumping into the fray on Sept. 21 with the unveiling of Spiked Events’ debut soiree, a come-as-you-are affair featuring live music, micro wrestling, circus performers and culinary cook-offs.

Per Festicle promotional materials, Mendelsohn is expected to face off against fellow toques Erik Bruner-Yang, of Toki Underground fame, and Tim Ma, the driving force behind Maple Ave and the newish Water & Wall, in a “Top Chef-style” competition where the contestants will have to conjure up some tasty from the featured testes.

And that just rubs Leffingwell raw.

“With more than 750+ attendees going nuts and consuming nearly 200 lbs of testicles this year, we like to consider ourselves the reigning rocky mountain oyster aficionados,” she maintained.

“The ball is in your court Mr. Mendelsohn. We’ll see how you measure up,” Leffingwell said.

 

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Rock On, Rockland

Rock On, Rockland

(Warren Rojas/CQ Roll Call)

ROCKLAND, Maine – It may be a small town, but Rockland’s got a lot going for it.

The Maine Lobster Festival drives droves of shellfish lovers to the shores of the Penobscot Bay each August, the plastic bib-draped masses assembling to honor (and devour) the region’s claim to fame.

Bumping into newsmakers is evidently not uncommon. One New Yorker, who relocated to the area with his wife after their youngest flew the coop, said he catches sight of Chief Justice John G. Roberts Jr. from time to time in neighboring St. George.

“He’s totally normal up here. Doesn’t like anyone to call him judge,” the Empire State expat said of his dealings with the summering Supreme Courter.

Natives, it would seem, have very specific tastes when it comes to conducting their day-to-day affairs.

Core concerns include keeping:

Activities al fresco (topless freecycling, anyone?)

 

Rock On, Rockland

(Warren Rojas/CQ Roll Call)

 

Rock On, Rockland

(Warren Rojas/CQ Roll Call)

Full story

September 12, 2014

Congressional Hits and Misses: Week of September 8 (Video)

After a five-week recess, members returned to discuss the “crisis with ISIS” and Dick Cheney while reminding C-SPAN viewers to “tweet, tweet, tweet.”

 

Roll Call Election Map: Race Ratings for Every Seat

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Designer Flips Gillibrand Gaffe Into Local Fundraiser

Sen. Mark Warner, D-Va., has provided some cover for colleague Kirsten Gillibrand, D-N.Y., who offended local residents by demeaning a suburban enclave that wasn’t quite to her liking, via a custom made T-shirt.

Designer Flips Gillibrand Gaffe Into Local Fundraiser

(Courtesy Mark Warner)

Gillibrand got called on the carpet after ARLnow.com founder Scott Brodbeck uncovered the less-than-flattering description she provided of Arlington, Va., in her new book, “Off The Sidelines.”

Warner wrapped his head around the conundrum and came up with a unique solution: novelty wear. He presented Gillibrand with the specially-ordered shirt and made light of the turf war on Twitter.

Whether the community at large is ready to forgive Gillibrand remains to be seen.

But T-shirt creator CustomInk is betting there’s enough civic pride floating around at the moment to turn this negative into a net positive.

The designer has launched a fundraising campaign putting copycat T-shirts up for grabs at $20 a pop. The goal is to raise approximately $1,000 (organizers are requesting an initial run of at least 50 orders), with the collected funds flowing through to the Arlington Food Assistance Center. Full story

September 11, 2014

Just Try to Ignore Dan Kildee’s Piercing Gaze

If Congress ever gets around to handing out superlatives, HOH stands ready to nominate Rep. Dan Kildee for Stare Down Champ.

Just Try to Ignore Dan Kildee’s Piercing Gaze

(Screenshot)

The rather mesmerizing shot the Michigan Democrat shared of himself via Instagram would almost lead us to believe he’s come under the tutelage of universally acclaimed Broadway star, “The Amazing Alexander.”

 

 

Or perhaps he’s borrowed a page from the most persuasive of pets, the indomitable Hypnotoad.

 

 

Either way, we can’t take our eyes off you, congressman.

 

Roll Call Election Map: Race Ratings for Every Seat

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September 9, 2014

Picking the Leadership’s Brains

As the Big Four hunkered down at the White House Tuesday in hopes of forging some sort of unified front in the campaign to eradicate the burgeoning terrorist threat known as ISIS, the Islamic State and/or ISIL, we couldn’t help but wonder what was really on everyone’s minds.

Picking the Leaderships Brains

(CQ Roll Call Photo Illustration)

Oh, to have been a fly on the wall…

 

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Sorting Out the Fax on Latest Terror Threat

The war on terror, it would seem, is increasingly being waged with microprocessors, with our nation’s enemies independently broadcasting their horrific acts of defiance online while the administration fires back with automated drone strikes from above.

Some alarmists, however, continue to rely on the vaguely familiar (but quickly fading from memory) bzzz-whirr-ping! of the lonesome office fax machine to get the word out about prospective evildoers.

An HOH tipster shared the following “alert” regarding a trans-Atlantic bombing scheme that would theoretically be perpetrated by one of Oxford University’s star rugby players.

Sorting Out the Fax on Latest Terror Threat

(Courtesy HOH tipster)

Full story

September 5, 2014

Congressional Hits and Misses: Drop the Mic (Video)

Heard on the Hill concludes its August recess flashback with a look at the relationship between lawmakers and their microphones — from the fumbling to the malfunctions, to members who just can’t resist the urge to say one more thing.

 

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September 3, 2014

Funny or Die Skewers YA Flicks for New Lets Move! Plug

First lady Michelle Obama pops up at the end of a new Funny or Die parody that swaps in nutritional hobgoblins for the living dead/pandemic event/fetishistic survival trials that seem to plague the protagonist of every young adult novel.

FLOTUS has been championing healthy eating since 44 took office in 2009; her hands-on approach to raising dietary awareness has ranged from overseeing the evolving White House kitchen garden to soliciting recipes from snack-conscious youths.

“Snackpocalypse” has its moments — “It’s like the more garbage everyone eats, the sicker they get. It’s a mystery,” muses school nurse (and “VEEP” vet) Sufe Bradshaw — but is unlikely to stir up the type of response President Barack Obama did last spring when he traded insults with Zach Galifianakis on “Between Two Ferns.” Full story

Separated at Birth: Mike Bishop Edition

House hopeful Mike Bishop appears to have one of those faces.

Per a colleague, the man who our own political handicappers see as a solid contender in the race to replace retiring Rep. Mike Rogers, R-Mich., apparently reminds some folks of a certain teenage heartthrob.

“He says he gets the Greg Brady thing all the time,” our fellow hack said of Bishop’s familiarity with comparisons drawn between him and 70’s icon Barry Williams.

Though not quite identical twins, the two could probably pass as brothers.

While his strikingly silver mane clashes with the others’ darkened locks, our pal proposed adding another potential “lost” sibling to the pack: ex-Sen. John Ensign.

Separated at Birth: Mike Bishop Edition

(CQ Roll Call File Photo)

We see the similarities in the eyebrows and chins.

Still, the libidinous Nevada Republican would have to freebase “Just for Men,” while the others got to work on developing unimpeachable perma-tans, before we could fully buy into this family reunion.

September 2, 2014

Jesse Benton’s Grammar Error of Biblical Proportions

Before Jesse Benton added chapters to the Book of James, he committed a grievous grammatical sin.

Benton, the former campaign aide to Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell who recently cut ties with the re-election effort, at least in part, because of the distracting misinformation he said the media kept flinging about, at the end of his resignation letter transgressed against the communications gods by signing off with an erroneous quote.

As conservative pundit Erick Erickson pointed out after digesting Benton’s resignation letter, there is no chapter 16 in the book of James.

 

 

The inspirational passage Benton presumably meant to hang his hat on belongs to the disciple John, who theoretically shared said thought in the final Gospel of the New Testament.

But first there was Benton’s mangling of the word choice rules for “affect” and “effect”:

Working for Mitch McConnell is one of the great honors of my life. He is a friend, a mentor and a great man this commonwealth desperately needs. I cannot, and will not, allow any possibility that my circumstances will effect the voters’ ability to hear his message and assess his record. This election is far too important and the stakes way too high.

To recap, “affect” is a verb that means to influence. “Effect” is primarily used as a noun that means result. Effect, when used as a verb, means simply to cause. So Benton either meant to use the word “affect” or his use of the word “effect” as a verb would change the meaning of the sentence to the following, ahem, effect: “I cannot and, and will not, allow any a possibility that my circumstances will cause the voters’ ability to hear his message and assess his record.”

On a side note, the first chapter of James in the King James version of the Bible has a section about “The Tongue,” which states, in James 1:5. “Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth!”

Vaya con Dios, Jesse Benton.

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