Roll Call: Latest News on Capitol Hill, Congress, Politics and Elections
October 1, 2014

Posts in "Foolishness"

September 9, 2014

Sorting Out the Fax on Latest Terror Threat

The war on terror, it would seem, is increasingly being waged with microprocessors, with our nation’s enemies independently broadcasting their horrific acts of defiance online while the administration fires back with automated drone strikes from above.

Some alarmists, however, continue to rely on the vaguely familiar (but quickly fading from memory) bzzz-whirr-ping! of the lonesome office fax machine to get the word out about prospective evildoers.

An HOH tipster shared the following “alert” regarding a trans-Atlantic bombing scheme that would theoretically be perpetrated by one of Oxford University’s star rugby players.

Sorting Out the Fax on Latest Terror Threat

(Courtesy HOH tipster)

Full story

September 5, 2014

Congressional Hits and Misses: Drop the Mic (Video)

Heard on the Hill concludes its August recess flashback with a look at the relationship between lawmakers and their microphones — from the fumbling to the malfunctions, to members who just can’t resist the urge to say one more thing.

 

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September 3, 2014

Funny or Die Skewers YA Flicks for New Lets Move! Plug

First lady Michelle Obama pops up at the end of a new Funny or Die parody that swaps in nutritional hobgoblins for the living dead/pandemic event/fetishistic survival trials that seem to plague the protagonist of every young adult novel.

FLOTUS has been championing healthy eating since 44 took office in 2009; her hands-on approach to raising dietary awareness has ranged from overseeing the evolving White House kitchen garden to soliciting recipes from snack-conscious youths.

“Snackpocalypse” has its moments — “It’s like the more garbage everyone eats, the sicker they get. It’s a mystery,” muses school nurse (and “VEEP” vet) Sufe Bradshaw — but is unlikely to stir up the type of response President Barack Obama did last spring when he traded insults with Zach Galifianakis on “Between Two Ferns.” Full story

Separated at Birth: Mike Bishop Edition

House hopeful Mike Bishop appears to have one of those faces.

Per a colleague, the man who our own political handicappers see as a solid contender in the race to replace retiring Rep. Mike Rogers, R-Mich., apparently reminds some folks of a certain teenage heartthrob.

“He says he gets the Greg Brady thing all the time,” our fellow hack said of Bishop’s familiarity with comparisons drawn between him and 70’s icon Barry Williams.

Though not quite identical twins, the two could probably pass as brothers.

While his strikingly silver mane clashes with the others’ darkened locks, our pal proposed adding another potential “lost” sibling to the pack: ex-Sen. John Ensign.

Separated at Birth: Mike Bishop Edition

(CQ Roll Call File Photo)

We see the similarities in the eyebrows and chins.

Still, the libidinous Nevada Republican would have to freebase “Just for Men,” while the others got to work on developing unimpeachable perma-tans, before we could fully buy into this family reunion.

September 2, 2014

Jesse Benton’s Grammar Error of Biblical Proportions

Before Jesse Benton added chapters to the Book of James, he committed a grievous grammatical sin.

Benton, the former campaign aide to Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell who recently cut ties with the re-election effort, at least in part, because of the distracting misinformation he said the media kept flinging about, at the end of his resignation letter transgressed against the communications gods by signing off with an erroneous quote.

As conservative pundit Erick Erickson pointed out after digesting Benton’s resignation letter, there is no chapter 16 in the book of James.

 

 

The inspirational passage Benton presumably meant to hang his hat on belongs to the disciple John, who theoretically shared said thought in the final Gospel of the New Testament.

But first there was Benton’s mangling of the word choice rules for “affect” and “effect”:

Working for Mitch McConnell is one of the great honors of my life. He is a friend, a mentor and a great man this commonwealth desperately needs. I cannot, and will not, allow any possibility that my circumstances will effect the voters’ ability to hear his message and assess his record. This election is far too important and the stakes way too high.

To recap, “affect” is a verb that means to influence. “Effect” is primarily used as a noun that means result. Effect, when used as a verb, means simply to cause. So Benton either meant to use the word “affect” or his use of the word “effect” as a verb would change the meaning of the sentence to the following, ahem, effect: “I cannot and, and will not, allow any a possibility that my circumstances will cause the voters’ ability to hear his message and assess his record.”

On a side note, the first chapter of James in the King James version of the Bible has a section about “The Tongue,” which states, in James 1:5. “Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth!”

Vaya con Dios, Jesse Benton.

August 29, 2014

Congressional Hits and Misses: Best of John Boehner (Video)

Speaker John A. Boehner reminds us of his love for tans, long hair and monkeys as Heard on the Hill concludes its 2014 look back.

 

Related:

Best of Nancy Pelosi (Video)

Best of Harry Reid (Video)

Best of Mitch McConnell (Video)

August 25, 2014

Conservatives Co-Opt Ice Bucket Challenge to Needle Nancy Pelosi

Can’t beat her? Mock her!

Such seems to be the mentality behind a new(ish) cyber swipe aimed at House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi.

Conservatives Co Opt Ice Bucket Challenge to Needle Nancy Pelosi

(Screenshot)

The would-be meme suggests that if the California Democrat participated in the insanely popular #IceBucketChallenge currently flooding your every social media feed, she would disintegrate — much like Elphaba Thropp famously did in the dramatic confrontation forever burned into our collective memory by “The Wizard of Oz.”

Perennial candidate John Dennis went to that same well in 2010, during his first attempt at wrestling the Bay-area seat away from Pelosi. Full story

August 22, 2014

Congressional Hits and Misses: Best of Harry Reid (Video)

As Heard on the Hill’s look back at 2014 rolls on, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid organizes his calendar, greases pigs and pays tribute to his favorite Americans — the Koch brothers.

How Expensive Is a Mug of Bacon?

How Expensive Is a Mug of Bacon?

From the Red Arrow Diner in Manchester. (Bill Clark/CQ Roll Call)

MANCHESTER, N.H. | One Republican senator from the Midwest might as well be asking: Will taxes raise the sticker price of this mug of bacon?

The menu item at the iconic Red Arrow diner currently goes for $13.99 — and for six bucks more you can keep the mug. The diner is a must stop for any politician stumping in the Granite State. Your correspondent ate breakfast this week at a counter spot marked with a small plaque noting that former Sen. Scott P. Brown, R-Mass., (now a candidate for Senate in New Hampshire) had once graced the same seat.

How Expensive Is a Mug of Bacon?But Sen. Ron Johnson’s office has a beef about government regulation of the porky breakfast product.

A new blog entry on the Wisconsin Republican’s website says, “the idea that government should be able to use taxes and regulations to make its citizens avoid the wholesome foods they prefer is repulsive.”

It references a Wall Street Journal opinion piece by Oklahoma State professor Jayson Lusk about the promotion of  a vegetarian diet by some as a means to combat climate change.

Full story

August 19, 2014

Harry Reid Snips Beard Baiting in the Bud (VIDEO)

It took  a week. But Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid has finally come clean about why he’s not partaking in the hairy contest Nevada Republican Dean Heller floated via the local press.

Per an interview given to the Reno Gazette-Journal, Reid has officially bowed out of the collegial beard-growing challenge after taking it on the chin during a previous family vacation.

Full story

August 15, 2014

Congressional Hits and Misses: Best of Nancy Pelosi (Video)

Heard on the Hill continues its look back at the best Hits and Misses from 2014, this week focusing on Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi’s love for children, baseball and fist pumps.

August 11, 2014

Hackers Jack GPO With Swedish Beats

Is it wrong that we kinda dug the risqué enhancement rogue computer programmers unleashed on the Federal Depository Library Program homepage late last week?

A tipster noticed a disturbance in the Government Printing Office-run force, a rump-shaking hiccup online watchdogs attributed to presumably Polish pranksters operating under the guise of “SoWa BeZ OkA.”

Another cyber-sleuth spotted a similar incursion — same digitized kitty, same Swedish pop soundtrack — executed against the Finnish government.

GPO spokesman Gary Somerset confirmed the FDLP site had been compromised, but assured HOH federal authorities were on it. Full story

August 8, 2014

Congressional Hits and Misses: Best of Mitch McConnell (Video)

With the August recess underway, Heard on the Hill is looking back at the best Hits and Misses moments you may have missed — or just need to watch again. This week, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell focuses on nodding, smiling and clearing his throat.

David Waddell Logs Next Step in Trek to Washington

It’s been far too long since we’ve had a Gene Roddenberry acolyte railing against societal injustices on the House floor.

But that could all change this fall— assuming North Carolinians are willing to stun political prognosticators and transport long shot candidate David Waddell to Capitol Hill come November.

Waddell made national headlines earlier this year after jumping ship from the Indian Trail town council using Klingon.

Per the Charlotte Observer, the starry-eyed pol has since secured enough signatures to guarantee his spot as a write-in candidate in the upcoming midterm elections.

Our politics team has tagged incumbent Democrat Kay Hagan as one of the 10 most vulnerable senators in the current cycle, but it sounds like Waddell is well aware he’s light years away from a lock.

“I’m not going to tell you I’m starting to pack [for Washington],” Waddell told the Observer. “It’s a mission to get a message out.”

August 4, 2014

Congressional Hits and Misses: Week of July 28 (Video)

As cell phones, rhetorical questions and Chinese drywall graced the House and Senate floor, some members prepped for “summer vacation,” while others just could not wait to get to Waffle House.

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