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Posts in "Interns"
August 26, 2014
Short-timer Steve Stockman doesn’t see the roughly 12 legislative days standing between him and unemployment as a time to mourn. He’d rather bring in new blood to help shake up the establishment for a few more weeks.
The Texas Republican, who took himself out of commission earlier this spring by unsuccessfully challenging Senate Minority Whip John Cornyn for his seat, is on the hunt for a new intern to keep him company until the end.
Sounds like a sweet gig for anyone looking to learn the congressional ropes, but perhaps not planning to put down roots in D.C.:
Texas Representative- 08/25/2014
The House’s most unique and courageous conservative seeks smart, happy interns (of all ages and backgrounds) for the reminder of the year. Alas, we cannot pay you. Schedules and start/end dates are negotiable if you’re worth it. We do not insist on specific, arbitrary submissions: send us whatever personal materials you think will give us reason to hire you, even if that’s just a standard boring resume and canned cover letter. Writing samples are encouraged, but not required, because even a short cover letter belies and betrays a lousy writer. Brevity is the soul of wit. This Member is not a jerk, and neither loathes nor avoids interns, but loves them, and actually speaks to them. If you are selected for this internship you will have extraordinary access to the Member and to meaningful projects that go well beyond the standard intern grunt work (or your money back). Personality and ideology are important. Please bring a confident, vigorous intellect and no drama. Ideal candidates will be true patriots who can count up to 17 in trillions, and care more about future generations than they do about sucking up to current leadership. Mushy pleasers/appeasers keep walkin’. HINT: vapid granolas who fear guns, hate babies, are ashamed of America, and think Islamic terrorists and illegal aliens are just misunderstood will not be comfortable here. Reply to: firstname.lastname@example.org.
Assuming that’s not a typo in the first sentence (if so, Team Stockman may want to see about locking down a temporary copy editor, too), the incoming party will need to serve as a living testament to the travails of the past year.
Which sounds to us like “Guilty Remnant” members will have a leg up in the personality and ideology departments.
Won’t be long now.
July 16, 2014
“We’ve got some fresh peppers in here. They’re not hot,” Rep. Randy Weber, R-Texas, mischievously goads his congressional aides after pouring out the baggie full of mixed chilies he religiously totes around in his coat pocket.
Sam Lombardo, a much-too-trusting summer intern, takes the bait, hurling a pea-sized ornamental pepper down the hatch.
The impetuous youth makes it through the first few bites unscathed, but is soon fanning his wide-open mouth for relief while Weber — who is always looking to welcome new chili-heads into the fold — chuckles with delight. Full story
June 24, 2014
A White House intern fainted at the end of a press briefing Tuesday, one day after Press Secretary Josh Earnest took over the position Jay Carney held for three years.
According to the White House pool report, it was the intern’s first day on the job.
February 7, 2014
Keeping the trains running on Capitol Hill is, by all accounts, a high-stress gig.
Which is why the Meditation Museum thinks it’s so important congressional operatives learn to cope with the pressure rather than allowing work to derail their mental well-being.
The spiritual center (8236 Georgia Ave., Silver Spring, Md.) is hosting a free workshop on Feb. 18 from 6:30 p.m. to 8 p.m., geared specifically to those who work in government. The “Don’t Get Mad, Get Wise” program delves into anger management techniques, involves group problem-solving exercises and comes to a close with some light meditation.
“We do it almost every other month because people like it,” a Meditation Museum aide said of the semi-regular self-improvement lessons. The group routinely cycles through a series of core issues, including bolstering self-esteem, learning tolerance, fostering cooperation and heightening decision-making skills.
The workshops are, by design, strictly nonpartisan and do not require prior training in meditation. “We focus on mindful breathing … and have some guided meditation commentary,” the aide said of the low-key program.
Does the thought of commuting to the Maryland ‘burbs make your blood boil?
The Meditation Museum has developed a free smartphone app (“Pause for Peace”) designed to help users carve out a little me-time from hectic schedules.
November 13, 2013
A planned overhaul of the time-worn Capitol Dome has sent Hill staffers into a frenzy for constituent-appeasing tours, a mad dash for the closely guarded reservations that’s spawned a black market of promised food, drink and even forced labor.
The announcement of the two-year restoration project touched off a behind-the-scenes bidding war among those in congressional offices charged with securing the walk-throughs for folks back home. Architect of the Capitol aide Justin Kieffer confirmed that the last of those tours are scheduled to take place Dec. 15.
An HOH tipster provided us with a glimpse into the panicky exchanges bouncing back and forth on an internal administrative message board. Full story
September 3, 2013
With sweet, sweet recess effectively over thanks to all the “do we/don’t we blow Syria to smithereens” tug-of-war gripping the Capitol, it’s time again to get a feel for what’s on the minds of those who seek solace in the loving arms of HOH.
As with previous plunges into the murky depths of Web search phraseology, we’ve taken a look back at the cryptic questions and half-baked theories that led inquiring minds into our neck of the virtual woods over the past week:
August 2, 2013
As we were so beautifully reminded this week, sometimes Hill staffers hit the sauce a little too hard.
Mind you, bending the elbow is pretty much part of the job these days, with lawmakers and their lackeys obliged to flock from a cocktail hour for this to a policy reception for that just about every night they are actually here in town (lobbyists are hard-cases like that).
And while no one should begrudge overworked colleagues the opportunity to live a little, we’d just like to point out that many of these sad sacks effectively committed career suicide (ranked from most to least damaging outcome) all for a few drinks.
- Rep. Rick Larsen’s doomed “December to Remember” crew: A trio of myopic social-media addicts decided to not only get wrecked while working for the Washington Democrat but also to advertise said debauchery via Twitter.
- Rep. Steven M. Palazzo’s party girl: HOH rock star Whitney Donald swore there was nothing too crazy going on at the Annapolis, Md., home she secretly rented in the Mississippi Republican’s name for a weekend rager. The neighbors begged to differ.
- Rep. Paul D. Ryan’s bleary-eyed super fan: Young love can be disorienting enough. Add in a serious bender, misplaced footwear and an office-wide declaration of your burning desire to bask in the glow of the Wisconsin Republican’s presence and you’ve got a teachable moment that clearly deserves its own chapter in the Cap Hill orientation manual.
- Rep. Suzanne Kosmas’ mouth-bashing mouthpiece: Marc Goldberg, spokesman for the Florida Democrat, decided to let his fists do the talking during a dispute at a Dupont Circle watering hole. Guess when you gotta go, you gotta go …
July 31, 2013
A well-in-his-cups intern sparked a pseudo manhunt on Capitol Hill today, as staff from the office of a House Republican tried to contain a stumbling, bumbling aide apparently dead set on getting some face time with his dream guy, ex-GOP vice presidential pick and current House Budget Chairman Paul D. Ryan.
Per an email circulated internally by an intern wrangler for the House Republican, the drama began when the wasted youth moseyed into work a few hours late, still stinking of the night before.
July 17, 2013
Newly minted congressional intern Byron Thomas skyrocketed from no name to HOH Hall of Fame Wednesday, after his email plea seeking fellow patriots to say the “Pledge of Allegiance” with each morning went viral.
“We have American flags in front of every room, but I’ve never seen anyone take the time to proudly say the Pledge of Allegiance. Are we that busy that we can’t take a minute to show some pride and respect for our country?” the aide to Sen. Tim Scott, R-S.C., chided staff on an internal message board.
It’s likely this whole pledge-shirking business has been gnawing away at him since at least late April. Full story