The Funemployment Chronicles

Rather than cry about the nonprofit post quashed by sequester-mandated budget cuts, an ex-House staffer has decided to seek his entertainments elsewhere.

His current happy place? Think tank luncheons.

The Panel Crasher blog, a virtual soapbox set up by D.C.’s self-described “equal opportunity, bipartisan moocher and offender,” went live April 3, just days after its founder got bounced from a recent gig funded by government grants. With three years of congressional experience (one year as an intern, two years as paid committee staff) under his belt, the rudderless — at least until graduate school starts later this fall — wonk decided to milk the situation for all it’s worth.
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Mitch McConnell Plans Final Four Trip

Kid Prez Takes Over 1600 Penn

A web-anointed “Kid President” took over briefly at the White House today, at least on YouTube.

The insanely cute youngster poked his head above the podium in a video released by the White House.

“It looks like you’re expecting somebody else, but April Fool’s on all y’all,” viral vid veteran Robbie Novak says. “I’m Kid President, and I hope everyone has an awesome day.”

The precocious would-be POTUS, who was invited to participate in the annual Easter Egg Roll festivities, has been presiding over his own online channel since just before the election.

Capitol Quip: Better Late Than Never

Here are the five finalists for this week’s caption contest. Now it’s your turn to vote.

Using the comments section below, vote for your favorite caption until 10 a.m. Monday morning. (HOH is a little a little late posting finalists this week, so we’re giving some extra recess time for voting.)

Here are this week’s finalists:

• SequEaster this.
• Don’t shoot until you see the whites of their dyes!
• I heard Cheney still roams around these parts … can’t be too careful!
• I’ll assault them, you pepper them.
• This is much better than last year’s “Easter Egg Subdue and Restrain.”

The cartoon with the winning caption will appear on this blog April 1 and in Tuesday’s print edition of Roll Call. The contest winner will receive a signed color print of his or her Capitol Quip cartoon from the cartoonist, R.J. Matson.

Garamendi’s ‘Learning Tour’ of Africa Comes in at $40,000

World traveler Rep. John Garamendi is gaining on fellow Rep. Jim McDermott.

Coming in at just more than $40,000, Garamendi’s recent four-day trip to South Sudan and Tanzania rivals McDermott’s $45,000 trip last year to Jakarta, Indonesia. Both Garamendi’s and McDermott’s trips were funded by international development organizations — CARE in Garamendi’s case and Chemonics in McDermott’s.

LegiStorm first reported the jaw-dropping price tag for Garamendi and his wife’s four-day privately funded trip. It was part of one of CARE’s Learning Tours, which the group organizes four times a year. The tours bring influential people — members of Congress, private sector leaders, media and others — to a country in the global south that receives foreign aid, both private and publicly funded. The Learning Tours are funded by a grant from the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation.

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Dakota, 101st Senator, Dies at Age 10

Dakota, the loyal bichon frisé of former Sen. Kent Conrad, D-N.D., whose presence on Capitol Hill led to his nickname the “101st senator,” died Wednesday from complications of lymphoma. He was 10 years old.

Adopted by Conrad and his wife, Lucy, from a shelter in 2009, Dakota became a fan favorite on Capitol Hill among members of Congress and staffers alike. Where Conrad went, Dakota followed, often eliciting excited shrieks from passers-by and friendly pats on the head from powerful senators.
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Rest in Peace, Dakota

The Senate’s best known pup, Dakota, has passed away.

(CQ Roll Call File Photos)

Dakota, ex-Sen. Kent Conrad’s, D-N.D., beloved bichon frise, had been suffering from lymphoma for more than a year. Often referred to as the “101st Senator” during Conrad’s time in the Senate, Dakota died from complications from the disease, the Grand Forks Herald reports.

During tense negotiations, of which there were quite a few in recent years, he seemed to act as a therapy pup for stressed-out lawmakers, staff and reporters.

“He was such a jaunty, confident and happy little dog, and he was cute — he just put a smile on people’s faces,” Conrad told the Grand Forks Herald. “And so that’s how I’ll remember him.”

Twitter Fight: @PressSec Vs. @Brendan_Buck

Their bosses may not talk much, but lately White House Press Secretary Jay Carney has been mixing it up with House GOP flacks on Twitter, including a scrum today with Speaker John A. Boehner’s spokesman Brendan Buck. The pair traded each side’s latest talking points, although Carney’s two tweets — at last check — were easily outnumbered by Buck’s fusillade.

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‘Trying’ Succeeds in Depicting D.C.

This isn’t the book Rebecca Gale thought she was going to write.

“Trying,” the CQ Roll Call staffer’s first published novel, is tagged as “some kind of love story.” A love story is where Gale might have started, but it’s also a technical and paranormal thriller.

So it’s not just a love story. Nor is it pure science-fiction, although there are sci-fi elements. In general, it is more fantastic-realism and slightly reminiscent of Aimee Bender’s work.

This genre creates a world recognizable to the modern reader, except for one or two aspects that change the rules. In Bender’s work, one character can taste the emotion in every bite of food, while another watches as her boyfriend evolves backward, from man to amoeba.
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Durbin Mourns Death of ‘The Man’

Senate Majority Whip Richard J. Durbin was grieving Wednesday.

“You know, when you’ve reached my age and, maybe, my station in life, you’re supposed to be beyond the stage of swooning, but when it comes to Stan Musial, I’m a kid all over again,” the Illinois Democrat said. Baseball Hall of Famer Stan “The Man” Musial died Saturday. On the Senate floor, Durbin recalled when he was a young kid, “buying more bubble gum than I can possibly afford in the hope that I would open up one of those packages and find, covered with pink powder, that card that had Stan Musial’s picture on it.”

He did finally get his card. “It was the treasure of my youth,” Durbin recalled. “And it would be so today if my mom hadn’t thrown all those cards away.”

Roof Blaze Won’t Close Hank’s on the Hill for Long

Oyster-lovers, rest easy. The fire at the Pennsylvania Avenue location of Hank’s Oyster Bar early this morning didn’t cause any damage that would force the eatery to close for long.

The building suffered “minimal” damage, a spokeswoman for the restaurant said, and it looks as if it could be up and running — or “up and shucking” as they say at Hank’s — in a matter of days.

Hank’s was planning to be open extended hours over inauguration weekend. While that plan is off the table now, the restaurant could reopen in time for Inauguration Day festivities.

According to the spokeswoman, there was “a small fire on the roof” in the wee hours of the morning. The cause is still unknown.

Initial reports claimed that one person suffered minor injuries, but HOH has confirmed that everyone at Hank’s is safe and well — including neighboring buildings, which suffered no fire damage.

Director’s Political Acumen

McSweeny, director of the Shakespeare Theatre Company’s run of the Bard’s comedic masterpiece, is proud of his roots. (Courtsey McSweeny)

Is William Shakespeare’s “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” a political drama hiding within a comedy-romance?

Perhaps it’s a side of the play that’s ripe for exploration, particularly by a director who’s a true-blue D.C. native.

Ethan McSweeny, director of the Shakespeare Theatre Company’s run of the Bard’s comedic masterpiece, is proud of his roots.

“I was born in Georgetown University Hospital. I’m a native, native. Wait, check this out,” McSweeny tells HOH, reaching into his wallet and brandishing his D.C. license. “Here’s my D.C. driver’s license. I’m the real thing.”

McSweeny’s political acumen — the St. Albans-educated native says he thought he was going to be a Senate staffer-type policy wonk before he eventually got distracted by theater — at least partially explains how he unpacked the power struggle at the heart of “A Midsummer Night’s Dream,” currently playing at the Shakespeare Theatre Company through Jan. 6.

The play depicts the battle between King of the Faeries Oberon (Tim Campbell) and Queen of the Faeries Titania (Sara Topham) and how their subjects are affected, with the action taking place within a broken-down yet grandly intimidating theater.

For close observers of the political system, this struggle between two centers of power will feel familiar, particularly with the Capitol having just played host to such grand conflict over the fiscal cliff.
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Overheard on the Hill

“The kingdom of God is upon us. Repent.”

—  A protester screaming in the Senate visitors’ gallery on Friday afternoon.

H Street Loses Burgeoning Restaurateur

Joseph “Joey” Edward Belcher, a 37-year-old entrepreneur involved in various local eateries, was found dead in his Capitol Hill apartment Monday. At press time, the official cause of death remained unknown.

According to various media reports, Metropolitan Police Department officers discovered the body of an unresponsive male at 3:28 p.m. after responding to a call at Senate Square Apartments (201 I St. NE).
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Father of Luján Dies in New Mexico

Sad day for Rep. Ben Ray Luján, D-N.M., whose father, New Mexico Speaker Ben Lujan, died late Tuesday in Santa Fe, New Mexico.

The Associated Press reported the cause of death for the 77-year-old legislator was lung cancer, which was diagnosed in 2009. He was first elected to the New Mexico House in 1974.

In January, he announced that he would not seek re-election in November. He presided over the state House through the 2012 session, although he was battling stage 4 cancer.

In an interview with CQ Roll Call earlier this year, Rep. Ben Ray Luján reflected on his father’s legacy.

“He’s been able to be the leader that he is because of the compassion that he brings of people, as well as the passion of the policy, because he really believes it’s going to change people’s lives,” he  said. “Watching him interact with people and what he did was not something I probably fully appreciated until my mid-20s.”

No word yet on funeral arrangements.