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April 21, 2014

Nine Things We’ve Learned at CPAC (So Far)

It’s CPAC time in Washington once again, and HOH is all over the conservative confab.

Here’s what we’ve taken away so far:

9. Herman Cain has done more to glorify the number nine than sudoku.

8. Bow ties and sweater vests are still rock-solid status symbols. But mohawks and visible tattoos are clearly on the rise.

7. The name on everyone’s lips: Ronald Reagan.

6. The secret to standing out among job interviewees? Give thoughtful gifts.

5. 2012 mantra: “I consider myself a conservative, but not really a Republican”

4. Kirk Cameron is convinced that the solution to all our governmental ills is enshrined in the National Monument to the Forefathers in Plymouth, Mass. (All will be revealed March 27, when his new documentary-style saga, “Monumental,” hits theaters for a one-night-only engagement.)

3. After the long, sordid nomination battle, the eventual GOP nominee SHOULD be able to wipe the floor with President Barack Obama in the first head-to-head debate — as long as it’s a teleprompter-free zone.

2. Most prevalent iconography: Sarah Palin on horseback.

1. “Shoot it. Eat it. And if there’s anything left, hang it on your wall. That’s America!”

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  • pkelleyfr@gmail.com

    Fellow Conservatives. Right here and right now in our history we simply cannot afford pleasantries in any form whatsoever. We have to pay attention to what the CPAC people are preaching and compare their words to the words of the Democrats. We are in serious trouble and ha ha’s are not appropriate at this time.

    No one can find a safe way out for himself if socety is sweeping towards destruction. Therefore everyone, in his own interests, must thrust himself vigorously into the intellectual battle. None can stand aside with unconcern; the interests of everyone hang on the result.” — Ludwig von Mises

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