DC Water Boils Over Charles Schumer Position

Updated 5:48 p.m. | Sen. Charles Schumer has provoked a water war on Capitol Hill.

A recent announcement by the New York Democrat has drawn the ire of — of all people — the head of the D.C. Water and Sewer Authority.

Schumer announced at the beginning of this month that he would be serving water from the Saratoga Spring Water Co. at the presidential inauguration ceremonies in January. The water, which is sourced in New York’s Adirondack Mountains, is a fixture at events in upstate New York.

“Saratoga Spring water has long been one of my beverages of choice, so when given the opportunity to share its iconic blue bottle with hundreds of guests at the presidential inauguration, it was a no-brainer,” Schumer said Aug. 3.

Schumer is known as a master of helping home-state businesses, and the water choice is a case of putting his position as chairman of the committee organizing the inaugural ceremonies to good use.

The decision to opt for bottled water sparked criticism today from D.C. Water General Manager George S. Hawkins. Full story

Joe Crowley, Singing Maybe

Updated 4:24 p.m. | “One of these things is not like the others, one of these things just doesn’t belong.”

Can you tell which thing is not like the others, by the time Carly Rae Jepsen finishes her song?

We’ll give you a hint: The “thing” appears around the 1:40 mark of the breakout pop star’s performance of “Call Me Maybe” on this morning’s “Today” show.

Recognize that face?

It’s Rep. Joe Crowley (D-N.Y.), who apparently is spending his time during recess amid throngs of tweens at an early morning televised concert, happily singing along to one of the summer’s most overplayed hits.

“The Congressman’s kids are Carly Rae Jepsen fans and he brought them to the concert this morning,” Crowley Communications Director Courtney Gidner said. “He’s a big fan of music in general and he finds the song catchy. When you have three kids under the age of 13, it’s hard to not know the lyrics to ‘Call Me Maybe.’”

Crowley isn’t the first Member of Congress to be caught blissfully bopping along to the ditty. When the interns in Democratic Rep. Loretta Sanchez’s office joined the trend of posting lip sync videos to Jepsen’s song, Sanchez took part, dancing along with her interns from her leather office chair.

If Kevin Yoder Had Heeded Peter Bis’ Advice …

Attention people in high places: Heed the advice of those in more lowly stations. It could save you a mess of trouble.

Case in point: If Rep. Kevin Yoder (R-Kan.) had just listened to the exhortations of the recently departed Peter Bis, he could have saved himself the recent spectacle of having to express contrition for his late-night, naked swim in the Sea of Galilee last year.

A passer-by tacked this message to the tree the recently departed Peter Bis sat under at the corner of 2nd Street and Massachusetts Avenue NE. (Jason Dick/CQ Roll Call)

Bis, as HOH readers and Capitol Hill workers and denizens recall, was a genial man without a residence who made the Senate-side area of the Capitol around 2nd Street and Massachusetts Avenue NE his home. Among his many sayings to those passing by was “no skinny dipping.” Bis died on Aug. 16.

Jay Jay’s Not Gonna Take It

Jay Jay French is good and pissed at GOP vice presidential candidate Paul Ryan, and he’s not going to take it. No, he’s not going to take it. He’s not going to take it anymore.

Twisted Sister’s guitarist and founding member just found out that the Ryan campaign has been using the band’s rock anthem “We’re Not Going To Take It” as the House Budget chairman’s theme song. Unfortunately, the Ryan campaign forgot to get permission from the band. Eep!

“If his campaign contacted the record label, [the label] would call us directly,” French tells HOH. According to French, the campaign did not and Twisted Sister would like the campaign to stop using their version of the song, suggesting that it gives the impression the band supports the Republican ticket.

French says that while members of the band span the political spectrum, with some  supporting GOP candidate Mitt Romney, they are categorically opposed to the current Republican social platform. For his part, French is a strong President Barack Obama supporter.

Full story

RNC Picks Theme; Irony Abounds

As Tampa, Fla., gears up for the hurricane that is Mitt Romney’s Republican Party, the Republican National Committee announced the theme of their politi-prom: “We Built This!”

The theme is an obvious dig at President Barack Obama’s recent remarks in Virginia, which PolitiFact said were taken out of context.

“If you were successful, somebody along the line gave you some help,” Obama said. “There was a great teacher somewhere in your life. Somebody helped to create this unbelievable American system that we have that allowed you to thrive. Somebody invested in roads and bridges. If you’ve got a business — you didn’t build that. Somebody else made that happen. The Internet didn’t get invented on its own. Government research created the Internet so that all the companies could make money off the Internet.”

The line “You didn’t build that” has since become fodder for Republicans everywhere. Interestingly, according to the Daily Dolt and other publications, the Tampa Bay Times Forum, which is housing the convention, was built primarily with public funds.

Card-carrying members of the Irony Party are tickled pink over this outcome.

Gay Bathhouse Rolls Out Red Carpet for GOP

A gay-owned hotel/spa/bathhouse in Tampa, Fla., is flinging its doors wide for closeted conventioneers, offering free admission to all Republican National Convention delegates through August 31.

(Screengrab)

Ybor Resort & Spa appears to be all about mixing business with pleasure, encouraging workaholics to bring laptops to make use of the free WiFi. Those there specifically to play can take advantage of a slew of mantastic amenities, including: a central 300-square foot Jacuzzi, “gang showers,” and an S&M dungeon-themed room outfitted with leather rocking sex bench and hand cuffs. (“You provide the slave.”)

Cash-strapped travelers can also save a few bucks by packing some extra hooch (the spa is BYOB) and/or taking advantage of the “Broke Ass Wednesday” special on discounted lockers and room rates.

Jim Gerlach Makes a Seriously Awkward Comparison

On Tuesday, the presumptive GOP vice presidential nominee Paul Ryan (Wis.) galloped into Pennsylvania waving the flag and stumping the good stump.

While Ryan labeled himself a good “Catholic deer hunter,” Pennsylvania Rep. Jim Gerlach (R) compared the House Budget Committee chairman with the decidedly liberal, anti-gun fictional President Andrew Shepherd from the 1995 film, “The American President.”

Full story

Gamer Takes on Congress

Have you got what it takes to claw your way from freshman lawmaker to the Oval Office? The new Congressional simulator, “For the People,” allows political junkies to do just that — without having to smooch a single baby, beg for cash or clumsily defend any nonsensical views on rape.

Creator Shel Mann, who helped bring to market diversionary gems ranging from the bloody-as-hell shoot ‘em up Duke Nukem to popular hunting and fishing titles (Deer Hunter and The Strike, respectively), tells HOH the political sphere is the undiscovered country of fantasy gaming.

(Courtesy For the People Fantasy Politics)

“There’s always new drama,” he said of the topsy-turvy world where pols rise and fall by the latest sound bite. Full story

Todd Akin, Prominent With Fetus

Embattled Missouri Rep. Todd Akin is still standing, this time with a fetus.

Akin’s Senate campaign website asks that people sign a petition supporting him during this time when most establishment Republicans have turned against him. Also on the page is his opponent for the Missouri Senate seat — and probably his biggest supporter today — Sen. Claire McCaskill (D).

In what is one of the more interesting pleas for support, the website begs: “Tell McCaskill That Your Standing With Todd Akin”

Quick edit: Team Akin, the word you mean to use isn’t “your,” which is a possessive pronoun. It is “you’re,” the contraction of “you are.”

“I made a mistake,” he continues. “I used the wrong words in the wrong way.”

Thankfully, this statement can apply both to his “legitimate rape” comments and now his grammar.

Todd Akin’s Legitimate Tumblr Page

The most surprising thing about the new Todd Akin Tumblr is that it has taken so long to get to us.

After his remarks about “legitimate rape” on Sunday, the Missouri Republican Representative is getting the full pariah treatment, not just from the Internet but from nearly every relevant member of his own party. Akin, of course, is facing Missouri Sen. Claire McCaskill (D) in what was a nail-biter race that had favored the Republican.

Akin faces a 5 p.m. deadline today to decide whether to continue his bid for the Senate. With that in mind, the Tumblr page has every imaginable pop culture icon offering historical guidance, including the Simpsons, Monty Python and Star Trek. And HOH has its own contribution to the mix as well:

Full story

Fleshing Out Mitt and Rob

Move over,  Felix and Oscar. The oddest couple of the hour would have to be Mitt & Rob, a Twitter-fueled phenomenon wedding GOP presidential hopeful Mitt Romney with his text-happy tormenter, comedian Rob Delaney.

(Courtesy Mitt & Rob)

Mitt & Rob creator Josh Mecouch told HOH he’s long admired the rapid-fire quips and topical barbs Delaney rains down on the Romney camp, but he only recently decided to document the absurdity of it all in comic form.

Full story

Move Over Hershey, Ron Paul’s Got His Own Bar

Gold standard, schmold standard. Some Ron Paul supporters believe the perennial presidential candidate and fiscal firebrand is worth his weight in Belgian chocolate.

(Courtesy Ron Paul Bars)

Mike Vandenbos told HOH it was only natural to try encapsulating his love for the Texas Republican in an ounce-plus slab of gourmet candy. “We are big fans of the good doctor and believe he is the only candidate worthy of his own chocolate bar,” he said of the Ron Paul Bar he has designed and marketed with a friend.

The commemorative chocolates ($2+ a pop) are produced by a chocolatier in Washington state using Belgian milk and dark chocolate.

Vandenbos estimates he’s sold more than 10,000 bars, including bulk orders that garnered purchasers free admission to the unofficial People Awakening and Uniting for Liberty (P.A.U.L.) Festival descending on Tampa, Fla., this weekend.

A deep discount was also offered on the site to those willing to snatch up 500+ bars and use them as “a secret weapon to persuade the Romney delegates at the RNC.” Vandenbos declined to comment on how many, if any, folks had signed on to play candyman on the convention floor, but he did note that the company had received at least one order for 1,000 bars.

And what does Rep. Paul think of the confectionary tribute?

(Courtesy Mike Vandenbos)

Vandenbos assured HOH he hand-delivered a few bars to Paul’s digs in the Cannon House Office Building.

A Paul aide confirmed the boss had nibbled a bit but stopped short of offering any kind of endorsement. “He never said what he thought but he never complained either,” the aide related of the candy sampling.

Unlike Paul himself, who is staging an official rally at University of South Florida’s Sun Dome arena Sunday afternoon, Ron Paul Bars will be present (and available for sale) at P.A.U.L. Fest.

Please drop us a line/zap over a pic (HOH@rollcall.com) if you spot folks chomping away on them at the GOP convention.

Dressing Up Tampa

Local businesses are rolling out the red-white-and-blue carpets for those traveling to Tampa to get their G-O-P-on at the Republican National Convention later this month.

State Vacuum — the self-proclaimed “World’s Largest Vacuum Store” — has even transformed its customary sports-jersey-clad gorilla greeter into a star-spangled, chapeau-wearing pachyderm.

(Courtesy Jeff Houck)

We hear his counterpart on the opposite corner is currently decked out as Gorilla Uncle Sam.

So remember, conventioneers: State Vacuum is the place for all your away-from-home sucking needs.

Paul Ryan Was Kind of Asking for It

It’s hard to feel sorry for a person who should’ve known better.

Mitt Romney’s new super friend, House Budget Chairman Paul Ryan, was slammed in Rolling Stone by his “favorite band,” Rage Against the Machine.

Rage guitarist Tom Morello took pen to paper and accused Ryan of not understanding the band … just as “Charles Manson loved the Beatles but didn’t understand them.”

Full story

Look Who’s Coming to Our Party

Like dogs and cats living together, the politically cynical among us arch our eyebrows when talk turns to bringing Republicans and Democrats together for a common cause. Musicians on Call, a nonprofit that brings live music to the sick and infirm across the country, could be the exception to the rule.

The MOC will reap the benefits of two — TWO! — convention parties, one for the Republicans and one for the Democrats. The parties are being thrown by Alliance of Automobile Manufacturers and the Recording Industry Association of America … with an assist from little ol’ CQ Roll Call.

Full story