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September 3, 2014

Sleazy Pol Sparks Spectacular Reddit Guessing Game

Reddit, the online hub known for its no-holds-barred “Ask Me Anything” discussions has been consumed by the SHOCKING! (shocking?) revelation that some elected official, somewhere may have slipped a paramour a few bucks to keep quiet about their extracurricular activities.

“Relative of mine slept with a notable politician and was paid to keep quiet. Has the hush letter in writing,” a Redditor who posts under the moniker diztorted floated in a forum rife with heartbreaking tales of childhood molestation and jarring anecdotes about stumbling upon unknown siblings/secret second families.

Unlike the surreptitious financial support former North Carolina senator and Democratic presidential hopeful John Edwards sent mistress Rielle Hunter’s way, or the consolation prize former Nevada Republican Sen. John Ensign served up to one-time aide Doug Hampton, after bedding his wife, Cynthia, this purported philanderer apparently had the foresight to contractually bar the other party from ever saying a word about what had transpired between the two of them.

“This is ‘House of Cards’ stuff here, Underwoods be damned,” said a commenter who goes by TheSouthernPunk.

Soon, everyone begun weighing in on the hush-hush, hanky-panky.

International affairs majors (“Silvio Berlusconi?” wondered KillerPalm). History buffs (“Well I’m sorry but your cousin Monica kinda let the cat out of the bag…” quipped the self-styled Gary Oldman who posts under the guise of Commissioner_Gordon). And, of course, armchair True Detectives.

“I’m not gonna ask you to identify the guy, but could you pin it down a bit? —Household name? White House? Senate?” inquired captainslowww.

A few offered virtual high fives to independents from Vermont and Maine, while others spewed out wild speculation about Kansas Republicans and one-time West Virginia Democrats.

Some didn’t seem to take the conversation very seriously.

“Republican or Democrat? Does she plan on sleeping with any other politicians? I may be running for town concil some day,” whoever operates the handle bubbfat1155 casually mentioned.

Others found it struck much too close to home.

“I really didn’t think this was a thing until I found out my cousin whom I don’t have much contact with had an affair with a high up politician in California. They paid her to keep quiet and she even has his kid,” Redditor kstarkey_7 shared. “I wish I was joking it’s very sad.”

Try as they might to crack this perplexing nut — “Why don’t you just release the politician to us and then just let us believe it because we don’t require evidence anyway and nobody would ever take us srsly but at least us reditors would ‘KNOW’,” commenter whenmill pleaded — conversation-starter diztorted refused to bite.

Sort of.

“I’ve said too much already, he may have been a House member.. may have been a senator… may have been a governor,” the original pot-stirrer coyly stated.

In the end, no one appears to be any the wiser about super secret sexcapades.

Except maybe, Pauller00.

“Wait I can get an NDA so people can’t tell other people they had sex with me?” the newly empowered Redditor marvelled.

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  • Yonatan YONATAN

    THE REPUBLICANS AND DEMOCRATS HAVE FAILED THE MORE THAN 2.6 MILLION UNEMPLOYED FAMILIES WITH AN UNEMPLOYMENT EXTENTION SINCE LATE LAST DECEMBER. THEY HAVE CHOSEN TO DENY THESE FINANCIALLY CRIPPLED FAMILIES AN EXTENSION OF BENEFITS THAT MIGHT HELP THEM TO REMAIN AFLOAT UNTIL THEY FIND EMPLOYMENT. INSTEAD OF LENDING THEM A HELPING HAND UP, THEY CHOSE TO KNOCK THEM DOWN, WITHOUT THE POSSIBILITY OF RECOVERING.. THESE FAMILIES ARE IN DIRE FINANCIAL NEED, AND DESPERATELY NEED HELP. BILLIONS OF TAX PAYER DOLLARS, HAVE JUST BEEN APPROVED FOR THE UKRAINE. WHAT ABOUT AMERICANS HERE AND NOW???

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