Thanks for the Pranks, Congress
Posted at 5:05 p.m. on April 1
Hill types had their fun this April Fools Day, filling the online ether with bogus press releases — or, in the case of New Mexico Republican Steve Pearce, just really weird news — designed to make everyone question the fragile construct we call reality.
One eagle-eyed observer shared a snapshot of a psych-out perpetrated on the most gullible souls wandering through Statuary Hall:
No word on whether mischievous Capitol Hill cops or fed-up tour guides have taken credit for the moratorium on intra-chamber babbling, but kudos to whoever attempted to orchestrate some blessed silence.
Rep. Mike Honda, D-Calif., was more ambitious in his trouble making, widely broadcasting plans to formally bridge the gap between his home district and the nation’s capital. His tongue-in-cheek pitch to S-T-R-E-T-C-H the Bay Area Rapid Transit System all the way to Capitol South posits that the 41-hour long ride would only set riders back a paltry $347.28 a pop.
“We need bold solutions that increase connectivity, helping grow our economy. If you live in California, why shouldn’t you enjoy direct access to the corridors of power in our nation’s capital?” he suggested.
Colorado Democrat Jared Polis took a more introspective tact, firing back at snarky tweets questioning his sartorial judgment by unilaterally declaring himself GQ’s head fashionista.
“I am thrilled to join the definitive authority on men’s fashion as their chief congressional fashion spokesman,” Polis announced via email. “The ‘potie’ revolution brings the classic, formal look of a bow tie with the comfort and flexibility of a polo shirt, and I knew it was only a matter of time before my new look was appreciated.”
Meanwhile, Pearce worked in a plug for the “Out of This World Job Fair” scheduled to take place April 9 from 2-6 p.m. at the Roswell Convention and Civic Center in Roswell, N.M. Pearce is once again hosting the hiring fest, which plays up the regional connection to a supposed UFO crash, in conjunction with several local employment agencies.
No word if he’ll be canvassing the crowd for a new press secretary.