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Posted at 5:20 p.m. on Feb. 13, 2013
This all happened so fast.
One minute I was placed quietly off to the side of a set, just out of the camera’s view. The next minute a hard blast of fame hit me clear across my plastic cap and chased me from the halls of the Capitol complex to the quiet of Todd Harris’s desk.
To be honest with you, I wasn’t ready for the fame. But who ever really is? You can never prepare to go from your parents not even remembering what you look like to being the most famous bottle in America. It is so crazy.
My childhood was like every other bottle’s. Some plastic, paper and glue came together and voila. I was born and filled up with, like, water.
I started out like every other member of the Nestle Waters North America family. Bottles like me, we weren’t destined for greatness. The most we should expect out of life is hydrating people in board meetings or being manhandled by toddlers. You know, nothing glamorous — just an honest living.
But, for some reason, I just knew I was different. Like, that my life would be bigger than that. When I told the other bottles in my crate, they all laughed — loud ear-splitting guffaws and shrieks that eventually devolved into pitying looks.
“Adventure? We’re too short to be taken on hikes!” they said. “The number of ounces we can hold is laughable!”
But I still believed in my dream, and I held on to it with all my adhesive.
Fast-forward to Tuesday night. I heard Sen. Marco Rubio’s, R-Fla, mouth dry up during his speech — his tongue sticking to his teeth and snapping away from the roof of his mouth — and I knew my time had come.
I rounded my shoulders, tightened my indents and took a deep breath. I was ready.
For a moment, as Rubio lifted me through the air, it felt like we were flying. Like it was just him and me and nothing else.
The world slowed down. There was no looking back. It was, well, perfect.
Afterwards, the senator took — and tweeted! — my picture. People around the world called my name. They splashed my picture across the Internet. They animated me! Dedicated Tumblrs to me!
I went back to the dressing room to take a minute to reflect, trying not to forget any second of it. My entire life had been preparing me for that moment.
Listen, inside I’m still me, you know? I’m still the same nerdy half-pint born of that cold spring in Maine. It’s just… I had a dream. And last night it came true. When Todd Harris, Rubio’s aide and a dear friend, scooped me up and set me on his desk, I was done.
Can I just say something, though? I mean, I’m not about “political messages” or anything. It’s not about parties. This is about America.
Only in America could this happen! Only in America could I, literally one of the smallest bottles ever filled with water, become something of, like, consequence. I am a living example of the American dream coming true.
So, thank you, God bless you, and God bless the United States of America.
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