Roll Call: Latest News on Capitol Hill, Congress, Politics and Elections
February 10, 2016

This Election’s in the Toilet

With both political parties now in full attack mode, HOH was curious what the average American thinks about the 2012 presidential election. So we wandered over to Union Station to conduct some good old shoe leather reporting.

It was there, amidst the throng of harried commuters and opinionated tourists, that we made a shocking discovery: People have already begun voting.

Not at any ballot box. But with thunderous flushes.

According to Teresa Cutting, director of marketing and social media for novelty retailer America!, shoppers have been burning through their politically themed toilet tissue like it was their job. The store introduced the White House-branded and Osama bin Laden-laden rolls in late 2006 (OBL line was amended with a giant “FLUSHED” stamp in May 2011). The current crop of Oval Office contenders joined the fold this past May.

Cutting said that in the race to relieve, customers are reaching for the cottony visage of President Barack Obama ($6.99) approximately 3-to-1 over soothing swipes of presumptive GOP nominee Mitt Romney ($6.99):

Barack Obama toilet tissue

(Warren Rojas/CQ Roll Call)


Mitt Romney toilet tissue

(Warren Rojas/CQ Roll Call)

The generic White House brand ($8.99), however, remains the all-time top-seller:

White House toilet tissue

(Warren Rojas/CQ Roll Call)

Which suggests Americans hold 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. NW in terribly high esteem.

And to anyone who found this hard-hitting investigative piece to be in incredibly poor taste, we say: “That’s a bunch of:

GOP peanuts

(Warren Rojas/CQ Roll Call)

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