Roll Call: Latest News on Capitol Hill, Congress, Politics and Elections
August 30, 2014

What Late Night Viewers Really Want

Talk show host Jimmy Fallon has challenged the Twitterverse to come up with a goofy political platform, gathering the hopes/dreams/maniacal plans of the microblogging savvy beneath the #IfIWerePresident umbrella.

Per Fallon’s original post, the cyber-confessions might be used for a bit in the future.

But why wait for NBC execs to pass judgment on the crowd-sourced comedy when we here at HOH have cataloged and cross-referenced some of the most pertinent posts to date:

Congressional reform

  • Everyone in Congress must dress up in full Clown costume every Monday as reminder to work and stop clowning around!
  • Mandatory dunce hats for all members of Congress.
  • I would create a special holiday called progress day. Its when congress actually does something productive. crazy right?

Taxes

  • I would give tax cuts to our active duty and retired military instead of the billionaires
  • I’d make all conservatives’ tax documents public knowledge.
  • Every real redhead would get a tax break called a #GingerSolution

Health care

  • Cheers will be back on TV. College football playoffs. Pay teachers more. Teach improv in high schools. Healthier fast food
  • Ice cold beer followed by an afternoon nap will be part of every workday, but not all of us at once that would be anarchy

Campaign reform

  • I would make each candidate contribute the same $ to decrease the national debt as they spend campaigning
  • I would ban political advertising and make candidates have dance contests in order to gain votes.
  • I would end every speech with, “As the prophecy has proclaimed”.

Food policy

  • There would be no bacon shortages. #JustSayin
  • In-N-Out would be in every capital city of every state… At least!!!

Election free-for-all

  • Marvel’s Next Avenger: The Incredible Biden.
  • I would change the requirements to becoming president so that Arnold finally could rule the world.

Godspeed, POTII-in-training.

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